I guess since I only have a few friends that followed this, they won't care if I ramble.  Since I quit posting on here many of life's pricks have struck the farm. Blood clots, heart attack, Dad got sick, we buried him in May of 16. Since then we have been taking care of the step mom 24/7. I am worn out, pissed off, and just generally tired. Pissed off because the step mom won't do anything. I mean anything. I have never minded helping someone, but I expect them to help themselves, to the best of their ability. That just doesn't happen around here. It seems like she does everything she can do to consume all my time. We have radios so she can get me anywhere on the farm. When she rings I run, because I never know what she needs. She could talk to me but she won't, just keep hitting the call button.  Well, we have had it and are working on placing her into a nursing home. I was not raised that way' we have always taken care of our own. Maybe its because she has never wanted to be part of the collective, just my dads wife. She has 3 kids of her own, they don't want anything to do with her now or in the past. She gave them away when the oldest was 5 and the youngest was under 2. I can understand their reluctance to step in now and don't really blame them.
   All that said, where will we go from here?  With Sheri not able to work, yet not able to get SS Disability, and me having taken early retirement the options of going out to work is limited. OK so that only leaves the ability to survive in our hands, here on the farm. I have to say, the farm has really gone down hill in the last 3 to 4 years. There isn't anyone to help, even for pay. The green house needs to be rebuilt, the wood has rotted out from my neglect, it needs the plastic replaced, and probably all new benches. The gardens are full of weeds, the deer have made this place a salad bar, they have stripped the fruit trees to the point I don't know if I can prune them back and even save them. The grapes may or may not come back. I sit here and look out at a place that we were so proud of, and it just makes me sick. Sadly,  I don't know that I can bring it back. At this time I am planning on trying. I hope I am tough enough. Sheri will help all she can, I know that, but I hate to ask when I know how it will make her hurt. I suppose we will have to take it day by day for awhile. With the good Lord willing we will do our best, that's all we can do. More will follow, I am going to use this as a place to vent till I can get the AP system up and running.